<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Backup by sanctuary_for_all</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30092244">Backup</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all'>sanctuary_for_all</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Justified</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Deep deep emotions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, These two watch each other SO MUCH</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:47:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30092244</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Backup means more than just being there during the fight. (Post-ep for 2x04, "For Blood or Money.")</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rachel Brooks/Tim Gutterson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Backup</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I think this is the last one. Hopefully. Good mercy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rachel's car was still in the parking lot.</p><p>Tim turned off his truck, watching the faint light he could see filtering through the blinds in just the spot where their offices would be.  It was well past 9, late enough that everything but bars and convenience stores were closed for the night, but he'd bet good money those lights weren't going off any time soon. He'd seen it on her face when he'd left earlier, and it had followed him into the bar where he'd planned on spending the rest of his night.</p><p>He'd made it through exactly two beers before the memory had chased him back out again, and the only reason he'd made it that long was because he'd fought it. He might have made it longer if he'd put more attention to the drinking and less to thinking, but a part of him had known he'd be back here from the moment he'd stepped through the door. He'd only held off because he'd hoped that if he waited long enough, she wouldn't be.</p><p>But she was, and that meant he had two choices. He could leave her to her brooding, which she'd handled just fine on her own long before he showed up. He was the last person who had any right to talk about healthy coping mechanisms, and if dealing with your shit alone got you killed he'd be dead a hundred times over. And honestly, she'd probably prefer it if he picked that option.</p><p>What she needed, though, was someone watching her back.</p><p>He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then got out of the truck and headed into the courthouse. Security waved him through with just a nod and a flash of the badge, but he'd known going in that wouldn't be the real challenge. He used the elevator ride to get ready, settling into the loose-limbed stance he tended to pick up when he was drunk enough that just staying upright took real concentrated effort. Then he put on his best "I don't know, I just work here" expression and made his way into the office.</p><p>He heard her voice before he'd made it all the way through the door, even though he could see she hadn't even lifted her head. "If this is someone coming to check on me, you can turn right around and go home. I'm fine."</p><p>His lips curved a little. He couldn't help it. "I'm not coming to check on you."</p><p>She lifted her head at that, sudden like she hadn't expected him, and he braced himself for an interrogation. Instead, the way the tension eased out of her shoulders the minute their eyes met hit him like a punch to the chest. It was a hell of a thing, when someone as tough as Rachel let you into their safe zone. He'd had <em>medals</em> that didn't mean as much.</p><p>She gave him one of those cool, deep looks that never failed to remind him of the ocean. "Why are you here, then?"</p><p>He spread his arms out wide. "Because I am very, <em>very</em> drunk right now, and it would be criminally irresponsible of me to operate a motor vehicle. As an officer of the law, it is your solemn duty to make sure I arrive home without having to do that."</p><p>She gave him a long, evaluating look, and Tim waited for her to call him on the fact that he was considerably more sober than he pretended to be. Instead, she raised her eyebrows at him. "You're going to have to wait until I'm done here."</p><p>He knew damn well she'd just been giving herself busywork for at least the last hour, but he gave her a lazy salute as he dropped down into Raylan's chair. "Yes, ma'am."</p><p>She bent back down to the folder she'd been reading, and Tim watched her out of the corner of his eye and waited for some kind of sign. He knew for a fact she wasn't actually interested in the folder -- he'd seen enough of it to know they'd talked almost a month ago about how much of a dead end that particular case was -- but there was a chance he was wrong about what was eating at her. Rachel was as good at keeping things partitioned off and buried as he was, if not better, and though he felt he was pretty good at reading her by this point there were some things she might have just never shown him.</p><p>He hoped like hell there was at least one thing he'd been careful never to show her. She drew him like no one else ever had, to the point it made him happy just being in her orbit, but he was smart enough to know he didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of doing anything about it. She was so far out of his league you'd have to measure the distance in miles, and even if he wasn't it was way the hell too much of a professional risk for her to date a fellow marshal. He wasn't about to screw up what they did have by trying to reach for the impossible.</p><p>He couldn't stop his chest from aching the way it did sometimes, or that warm, soft feeling that seemed to catch him at the most dangerous damn moments, but he could bury them down in a deep dark hole where they couldn't hurt anybody. And if he'd learned to stick to certain types of women so he didn't say the wrong name at a key moment... well, that was nobody's business but his.</p><p>He cut off that trail of thought when Rachel spoke again. "You sure you're not here to reassure me the shoot was good?" she said quietly, still not looking up.</p><p>His brow lowered at that, too surprised by the comment to bother with anything but complete sincerity. "Why would I? You're good enough at your job you already know damn well it was."</p><p>She searched his expression, and a moment later her lips curved upward just a little. "Thank you. I don't think I realized how much I needed to hear that."</p><p>So that wasn't what had kept her here, but it was what put her defenses up. Sometimes he wondered if Raylan and Art really saw her at all. "Want me to hold your coat while you smack 'em around a little?"</p><p>Her smile widened briefly, bright enough to put the ache back in his chest. "Tempting, but I think I can restrain myself."</p><p>After that, the silence changed into something warm and comfortable. Neither of them had any trouble breaking it occasionally, her with relevant questions and him with ridiculous ones. She rolled her eyes about as much as he expected, but she answered him every time. He even managed to get a few more smiles out of her.</p><p>Eventually, though, she caught sight of the clock and her eyes widened. "I had no idea it had gotten so late." She stood, gathering her things. "I need to get you home."</p><p>Tim pushed himself to his feet, more surprised than he should have been that it was past 11. Usually it took a hell of a lot of alcohol to make him lose track of time like that.</p><p>He didn't regret a single moment, though. "I was happy right where I was."</p><p>He expected her to pass right over the comment, sincerity delivered like it meant nothing, but she stopped where she was and gave him that fathoms-deep look again. He went absolutely still, gazes locked and every ounce of his attention focused on her.</p><p>Finally, she let out a breath, turning away to end the moment. "Come on."</p><p>Tim followed, shaky in a way he didn't want to look at too closely.</p><p>000</p><p>Tim wasn't nearly as drunk as he said he was.</p><p>Rachel had known that from the first moment she'd looked up to see him standing in the middle of the office, the last person she'd expected to see and yet somehow the only person she'd wanted to. Art had been worried about Tim's drinking when he'd first arrived, so Rachel had kept a particularly close watch those first few weeks. He'd called her on it, but hadn't seemed to mind -- she'd driven him home from the bar once then, too -- and she'd learned that Tim's eyes were the best judge of how drunk or sober he really was. Right now, he couldn't have more than a few beers in him.</p><p>But he was here, well before the bars would close but late enough he'd had plenty of time to find other companionship if he'd wanted it. The story about needing a ride was clearly just a cover, but he'd been utterly genuine when he'd talked about her shoot being good like it was a basic fact of the universe. That alone would have been more comfort than anyone else had managed to provide, but then he'd stayed. Not like it was a duty, or like he was waiting for something, but like there was no place else in the world he'd rather be.</p><p>And heaven help her, it was more tempting than any alcohol she'd ever tried. Raylan might be easy on the eyes, but it was Tim that drew her in like a flame did a moth. He felt <em>right</em> in a way that made no sense, an answer to a question she'd never thought to ask, and it made her prone to doing ridiculous things like laying her arm on the back of her chair in just the right way that he could still lean on it if he wanted. Like watching him far more often than was at all safe, and soaking up every scrap of information about him like dry ground desperate for water.</p><p>She wanted, body and heart, for the first time since well before she'd left Joe back in Dallas. But she had no idea if he felt the same way, and there was far, far too much at stake to risk trying to do anything about it.</p><p>Moments like this, though, it was hard to remember that. She tried to remind herself as they made their way out to the parking lot, only to be distracted by the sight of Tim's truck sitting peacefully out by the far edge. The reminder that Tim didn't really need a ride stopped her in her tracks, and she hesitated as she tried to figure out whether she wanted to call him on it. She hated people seeing her as fragile, or needing extra attention, but the truth was that she felt so much better than she had before Tim showed up.</p><p>When she turned to look at him, she found him already watching her with that deliberately bland, quietly challenging look he got sometimes. She was sure he had an excuse ready and waiting if she challenged him, but he was giving her the option not to do that. For them to leave whatever this was as a silent, unspoken agreement between them.</p><p>Before she'd come back to Kentucky, Joe had called her an iceberg. He'd flung it in her face like an accusation, saying that keeping so much of herself hidden under the surface had basically been the same thing as lying to him. No matter how hard she tried, she could never imagine Tim saying that.</p><p>Maybe it took one iceberg to really understand another.</p><p>Of course, Shawnee had kept just as much buried. Or maybe Rachel hadn't looked hard enough. Either way, she hadn't been there for her big sister when she needed her.</p><p>She swallowed, pushing the feelings back down. She wouldn't call him on it, but she couldn't ask more of him than she'd already been given. It wouldn't be right.</p><p>She let out a breath. "I wouldn't have killed Clinton. Not unless he didn't give me a choice."</p><p>Tim's eyebrows lifted briefly, but this time there was no surprise in his eyes. Instead, they were the kindest she had ever seen them. "Never doubted it," he said finally, voice almost soft.</p><p>And that should have been the end. Rachel stayed where she was, waiting for him to head to his truck, but he just kept looking back at her the same way he had in the office. This time, she wasn't strong enough to break it.</p><p>He did this time, but instead of angling toward his truck he continued heading to her car. She watched him, throat tight with so much more than she had words for, and when he got to the passenger door he turned back to look at her. "You coming?"</p><p>Still not sure what she would say even if she could trust her voice, she hurried to catch up. When the words finally did come, halfway to Tim's apartment in the middle of a silence that felt almost terrifyingly safe, they weren't the ones she expected. "I almost did." She swallowed, an all too familiar knot of grief and anger rising up in her throat. Harder to admit to, though, was the guilt. "I wanted to."</p><p>"You didn't almost kill him." Tim's response was calm and matter-of-fact, coming too quickly for him not to have been waiting for this. "You thought about it, which is about six or seven steps back from almost doing it.  And even if you <em>had</em> almost killed him, you still didn't actually <em>do</em> it. It's what you do or don't do that matters, not what you think about real hard."</p><p>Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. "You don't know how close I came."</p><p>His voice softened. "Yeah, I do. And I can promise you it wasn't nearly as close as you think."</p><p>He sounded so <em>certain</em>. Rachel wanted to argue, wanted to tell him there was no way he could <em>possibly </em>know her that well, when she was hit with the sudden memory of him darting forward to put the handcuffs on Clinton. She'd been about to say something, to gesture for one of the men she'd ordered to stay back, but before she could Tim had already been there. Barely a heartbeat after she'd processed the fact that it was over, when she'd--</p><p>The realization made her lose her breath. "You were watching me."</p><p>She could practically feel him freeze from the other side of the car. She glanced over at him just as his eyes slid away from hers, a move she'd used too many times not to know exactly what it meant. "You weren't watching Clinton. You were watching me." Her chest was tight, something huge trying to burst free. "You saw the exact moment my shoulders relaxed."</p><p>Silence fell again, but this time it was as breathless as she was. She knew she was right, could feel it all the way down to her bones, but it still made her eyes sting when he finally let out a breath. "Backup's no good if it misses the signal."</p><p>Rachel's chest squeezed tight. He'd been watching her tonight, too, and instead of trying to reassure her about the wrong thing he'd seen her clearly enough to recognize what was really bothering her. More than that, he'd sacrificed his evening to make sure he was there for her now, waiting for her to give him the signal that she was ready to talk about it. Normally she chafed against being taken care of, but you could build an entire life on backup like that.</p><p>And the kind of man who could <em>give</em> backup like that... he was worth just about any kind of risk there was.</p><p>If they'd been just about anywhere else, she couldn't have stopped herself from touching him. As it was, she had to content herself with just looking over at him again. "Thank you," she said softly.</p><p>He glanced over at her again, making her heart hurt at the surprise in his eyes. A heartbeat later, though, his shoulders relaxed. "Any time" he said finally, lips curving upward a little.</p><p>The rest of the drive was quiet, safe as before but deeper and warmer in all the best ways. When she pulled into a spot in front of his apartment building and turned off the car, however, neither of them moved. Tim's hand rested on the door handle, like he was gearing himself up to go, but as the seconds ticked by the door still didn't open. Maybe he didn't want to go any more than she wanted him to leave.</p><p>Rachel took a deep breath. "I'm still technically married," she said quietly. Tim went still, clearly on alert, and after a few seconds he shifted to look at her with all the focus she'd ever seen from him. She deliberately let go of the steering wheel, shifting around to get the full force of that focus. He deserved every ounce of attention he gave. "It's a long, embarrassing story, but the truth is that I hadn't found anyone worth the trouble of ending things for good. I don't have any interest in casual sex, and with work and being there for Nick I don't have time to waste time on men who don't match up to that same level of importance." She lifted her hand in a helpless gesture. "That's not including the fact that the only place I really have to meet men is at work, which causes its own minefield of issues."</p><p>His hand tightened on the door handle, but he still made no move to leave. "If this is your way of telling me no," he said finally, voice rough, "you're going a hell of a long way around."</p><p>Rachel's heart was in her throat, but she still smiled. "No," she said softly. "This is me asking you to come to dinner this Sunday."</p><p>His expression went through about a dozen different emotions, too fast for her to follow, before settling into an open, raw look that just about broke her heart completely. But his eyes were asking her if she was sure, so she pushed that aside and slid across the distance between them. She lifted her hand to cradle the side of his face, holding him like the precious thing he was. "You're worth it," she whispered.</p><p>His eyes flared, wild and beautiful, and in a breath he'd crossed the last little bit of distance between them and kissed her. It rolled through her like a summer storm, the kind where you ran outside and flung your arms out to soak it all in because it made you feel more alive. She dove into the kiss the same way, hungry for the sweet, electric pressure he was pouring into her. Her body felt alive again for the first time in years, free in a way she'd never felt at all, and it took no thought at all to slide her fingers back through his hair and deepen the kiss just a little bit more. His own hand had curled around the back of her neck, sending sparks dancing along the bare skin and making the rest of her want to experience the same feeling.</p><p>When they broke apart, needing air, she leaned her forehead against his. "I also have some spare clothes in the back," she said breathlessly. "In case that's not too forward."</p><p>Tim groaned, closing his eyes. "If I find out this was all an alcohol-induced hallucination, I'm going to be pissed."</p><p>Rachel smiled a little. "You're not that drunk." She stroked her thumb along his cheek. "And I still need an answer."</p><p>His gaze was like lightning as it met hers. "Yes. To dinner, to tonight, and any other part of you I get access to." His voice was rough, solemn enough that it sounded like a promise. "For as long as you'll let me."</p><p>Everything inside her singing, Rachel couldn't help but lean in for another kiss. "Oh, I'm planning on keeping you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come check out my <a href="https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks">original fiction,</a> my <a href="http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com">blog,</a> or say hi to me on <a href="http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>